Section 1.1: The Initial Encounter

As I flew over Athens, en route to meet him in Santorini, I found myself reflecting on all the emotional turmoil we've endured. After penning blog entries about preparing for inevitable heartbreak—a scenario that seemed far more likely than a fairytale ending—I had a moment of clarity. I realized that I hadn’t transformed into the skeptic I claimed to be.

My anxiety was through the roof; my body fought the idea of going. My mind seemed desperate to shut down, wishing I could just collapse and avoid this risky decision. How could I still hold onto hope after all that’s transpired?

While I certainly wasn’t imagining us walking into a beautiful sunset, I couldn’t help but think of that very scene as I prepared for my arrival. When his flight was delayed, I had just enough time to gather myself. I changed clothes, attempting to conceal the remnants of my relentless headache, and wished I could fast-forward to seeing him.

Despite my exhaustion, he was the only person I wanted to share this vacation with. All I desired was a moment of comfort, perhaps in his embrace, where I could finally find peace.

When he finally arrived, there were no grand displays of affection—just a brief hug. I found myself clinging to him more tightly than I intended as we headed to our hotel. It felt oddly familiar, almost as if we hadn’t spent time apart, though I could sense the bottled-up emotions waiting to be unleashed.

Section 1.2: The Illusion of Romance

Though our first night was filled with passion, mere physical intimacy isn't sufficient. Genuine enjoyment comes from mutual love, and the L word had yet to be spoken. His viewpoint for this trip was clear: no discussions of our past, no thoughts of the future, and absolutely no confronting our issues.

Essentially, we were in a 'pretend couple' phase—acting as though we were blissfully in love while ignoring the reality that this temporary happiness could soon crumble, just as it had before. I found myself somewhat accepting this dynamic, needing only a few moments to process our situation and remind myself of the boundaries I needed to maintain.

Was I already developing deeper feelings, despite his uncertainty? It was hard not to think about other people who would cherish me, prioritize my feelings, and make plans for our future together. Yet here I was, with someone still unsure about me—what did that reveal about my own worth?

Whenever I expressed my feelings, he would deflect them, making me feel ashamed for being vulnerable. I knew I had to prepare myself to exit this vacation at the right moment, avoiding emotional devastation.

Section 2.1: The Safe Zone Defined

In relationships with avoidants, there exists a particular space to navigate. Picture a landscape divided by a river: one side represents 'I don’t want you,' while the other signifies 'I love you.' The middle ground is where avoidants feel most comfortable, caught between desire and fear.

Every time I tentatively stepped out of this safe area, I faced emotional repercussions. I attempted to address deeper questions about our relationship, only to be met with resistance—he urged me not to bring it up, fearing it might make him emotional. It became apparent that any venture beyond the 'safe zone' could lead to separation.

Is this what our lives have come to? Living in such a constricted space?

Section 2.2: Facing Reality

On the third day of our vacation, the initial euphoria began to wane. The veil of pretense was slowly lifting, and reality was intruding upon our bliss. While we still acted as if everything were perfect, the underlying tension was palpable.

With a mix of fear and calmness, I prepared to share my experiences with you, my travel companions. Thank you for being part of this journey as I navigate the complexities of the 'Avoidant Safe Zone.'