Embracing Self-Compassion: Stop Being Your Own Worst Critic
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Chapter 1: The Journey Beyond Self-Criticism
Reflecting on my personal growth, I realized that I needed to break free from my routine. One evening at my familiar local tavern, where everyone knew me, I expressed to my friends my desire to explore beyond my comfort zone. The pandemic had confined me to the same few places, and I yearned for the social interactions I once cherished. Thus, I devised a list of new venues to visit—places that promised fresh experiences, vibrant atmospheres, and hopefully, new friendships.
Fast forward a couple of months, and I'm thrilled to share that my friend and I have visited eight new establishments, forging several new friendships along the way. We've even enjoyed a couple of dates! The plan has exceeded my expectations.
Setting clear goals and following through has proven transformative.
"I often engage in this kind of introspective work during therapy sessions, and I'm currently open for new clients in Texas."
This experience encapsulates my year: a journey of intentions, plans, and actions. Despite the challenges, I have learned that focusing solely on the difficulties can obscure the richness of human experiences. Our lives are woven from a blend of choices and moments, light and shadow, each contributing to our growth.
We tend to gravitate toward negativity, but we possess the ability to shift our perspective at any time—this is one of our greatest strengths as individuals. By letting go of self-judgment and criticism, we can view ourselves more clearly and positively. I invite you to join me in this journey.
In January, I chose the word "MOVE" as my guiding principle for 2023. Though the year brought its share of difficulties, I found myself making strides across various aspects of my life. When a friend suggested I conduct an annual review, I eagerly accepted the challenge, drawing from my experience of reflecting on my past years.
The process was unexpectedly powerful. As I delved into my achievements amidst the struggles, I discovered a wealth of positives that outweighed the negatives. You might find similar revelations if you take the time to set aside your negative perspectives.
What Thrived This Year?
This year, I truly embodied my chosen word—MOVE—across different facets of my life, including my career, relationships, and family. I established clearer boundaries and honored them, even when it was uncomfortable. I communicated my needs to family and friends, transitioned from a toxic work environment to my dream role as a full-time therapist, and grew my practice to replace my previous income within just five months.
Additionally, I organized our practice's first networking event and inspired a marketing committee to enhance our brand. I attended incredible conferences and opened myself up to diverse professional experiences. I ventured into dating again, repaired my relationship with my ex-husband, formed a friendship with his new wife, and expanded my social circle in meaningful ways.
2023 Highlights in Numbers
- Composed 300+ unpublished haikus, tackling difficult topics
- Attended 5 conferences
- Participated in the memorable DC Rally for Israel
- Worked as a wellness specialist at 2 major conventions with teens
- Completed 5 therapy-related trainings
- Attended over 5 networking events, distributing numerous business cards
- Authored 10 blog posts (7 for Medium, 3 for my work’s website)
- Contributed content for 6 groups (teen mental health, self-care, anxiety, etc.)
- Grew my Medium followers from 2,000 to 2,100
- Explored 8 new venues on my Girls' Night Out list and made new friends
- Posted over 200 times on Instagram @drgalitbirk, enhancing my brand
- Treated myself to flowers 40 times as a self-love gesture
- Increased my client caseload each month, with a significant jump from 47 to 76 clients from July to August
- Conducted 562 client sessions and completed 47 hours of clinical supervision
- Achieved 1,003 total clinical/supervision hours in 2023, a significant increase from last year
Focusing on the positives allows us to recognize our accomplishments and the joy in our efforts to move forward, enabling us to envision the life we aspire to live.
What Could Have Been Better?
Indeed, we can be our harshest critics. However, it's crucial to acknowledge areas where we fell short and where growth is possible. This year, I recognized several areas needing improvement:
- Travel: My aim was to explore a new destination every three months, yet 2023 turned out to be my least-traveled year in recent memory, with only a few trips outside of Dallas.
- Job Transition: The sudden departure from my role at the Jewish National Fund was challenging, but it ignited a passion in me to fully embrace my new identity as a therapist, for which I am thankful.
- Family Dynamics: While my family is generally supportive, we face our own challenges. This year tested me, and although I didn’t always respond gracefully, I am grateful for the boundaries I set to protect my well-being.
- Writing Discipline: My writing productivity waned significantly this year. While I penned numerous unpublished poems, my blogging output dropped, and I didn’t progress with my publication goals.
What Lies Ahead?
Every setback is an opportunity for growth. As I look toward 2024, I am focused on several goals:
- Publishing Plans: I aim to take concrete steps toward publishing my poetry.
- Increasing Income: I'm exploring side hustles to boost my financial stability.
- Launching Groups: I have the content ready to initiate process groups.
- Continued Education: I plan to complete advanced training in Gottman methods and trauma.
- Public Speaking: I am open to opportunities in public speaking within my field.
- Personal Branding: I intend to create a landing page to enhance my professional presence.
Lessons Learned
Navigating a challenging year can lead to profound personal growth. When faced with difficulties, we often discover resilience and courage, which helps us transcend our limits and embrace new possibilities. Here are some key lessons I've gleaned this year:
- Recognizing Patterns: I became more aware of unhealthy patterns in myself and others, learning to identify red flags.
- Confronting Fear: Fear has held me back at times, but I strive to overcome this paralysis.
- Attachment Awareness: I have gained insight into my attachment wounds and learned to respond to them more constructively.
- Acceptance: I've cultivated a deeper acceptance of my circumstances, particularly regarding my family and self-image, leading to greater peace.
- Trusting Timing: I've learned to trust the timing of my life, realizing that my journey has equipped me to support my clients in ways I could not have done earlier.
2023 has been transformative, and I look forward to embracing the new year with enthusiasm and a renewed zest for life.
Happy New Year! May 2024 bring you joy, love, and growth. Remember, self-love is key—celebrate your wins and affirm your worth!
Galit Birk, PhD, is a therapist (LPC-A) providing virtual and in-person counseling in Texas. She is passionate about helping individuals live fulfilling lives. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram.
More by Galit Birk, PhD:
- Therapists Don’t Have Nose Rings: Challenging belief systems and standing in our personal power
- When Life Knocks You Down: Finding light in the darkness
- 7 Tricks to a Good Marriage I Wish I Knew Before My 2 Divorces: Communication is key in any relationship
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