Focusing on the Process, Not the Outcome!

When engaging in self-compassion practices, it’s essential to remind ourselves of this concept. Our minds are often filled with expectations. For instance, someone who starts meditating may wonder why they haven't progressed after a week. They become curious about when their mind will quiet down or when enlightenment will occur. When these expectations aren't met, they might be inclined to abandon the meditation practice or, more broadly, the habit-forming journey.

“Focus not on what you want to achieve, but on who you want to become” (p.46).

If our goal is to reach enlightenment through daily meditation, the likelihood of giving up at some point increases. However, if our aim is simply to integrate meditation into our lifestyle, this can serve as a motivator. From a psychological perspective, identifying as someone who exercises, meditates, or reads often can enhance our self-worth and simplify our routines.

1. The First Law — Make It Obvious

Habits that are tied to specific times and places are often easier to maintain. Our minds are complex yet primitive, still carrying the architecture of our ancient ancestors. Thus, transferring our actions into the physical realm can help persuade our minds.

“The intention to act: I will perform this behavior at this time, in this place” (p.85).

I will meditate at 7:00 AM during my online classes, in my bed!

Linking an existing habit with a new one can be an effective strategy. After all, we tend to execute visible and routine actions diligently, regardless of the circumstances.

“I will perform this new habit after this existing habit” (p.85).

Every morning, after I wake up, I will meditate!

Visibility isn't just about timing and location; our environments can also serve as triggers. For instance, if we want to exercise every morning but our workout clothes are tucked away in a closet, we may be more likely to skip it on days when we feel tired or low on energy.

“Ensure that the cues for your habits are visible in your environment” (p.97).

“People with high self-control tend to spend less time in tempting situations” (p.104).

The path to self-control lies in self-compassion, kindness, and awareness. The more aware we become of ourselves, our nervous systems, and our reactions, the better we can manage situations where we might stray from our habits. Deviating from habits isn't inherently problematic; it's crucial to recognize when we have that inclination. By doing so, we can adjust our responses accordingly.

2. The Second Law — Make It Attractive

Another key to habit formation is dopamine. Our motivations for survival, expectations, and pleasures are all related to dopamine. If a habit doesn’t trigger dopamine release, our motivation tends to drop, making it hard to stick with it.

“The level of dopamine directly correlates with the motivation to act” (p.117).

To make our habits more appealing, it’s beneficial to engage with groups that endorse those habits! As humans, we have an inherent tendency to belong to groups and communities. Especially in collectivist cultures, the sense of belonging is crucial, and thus we often seek approval, praise, and recognition from those groups. Our habits are shaped by what is deemed acceptable by our communities.

“When a behavior earns us approval, respect, and praise, we find it attractive” (p.135).

3. The Third Law — Make It Easy

In our pursuit of perfection, overthinking and planning can sometimes lead to stagnation rather than progress. There is always a better version, and we can reach it through practice.

“Focus on taking action, not just being in motion” (p.159).

Instead of listing blog topics, just start writing!

Let’s be honest; I don’t need to explain this from a psychological standpoint. Anything that is easy and effortless is more achievable. Our behaviors and minds are wired this way. Therefore, when we aim to establish a habit, simplifying the process for ourselves can be beneficial. For instance, if I’m at home, my yoga mat is always laid out. I unconsciously did this because the space was available. Perhaps this is why I can perform physical practices effortlessly every day.

Procrastination often stems from difficulty. Aiming for perfection and being outcome-focused can complicate habit formation. When faced with such challenges early on, our minds are likely to seek escape.

Making it easy to write a blog post every day:

Writing one sentence? Writing one paragraph? Writing a thousand words?

4. The Fourth Law — Make It Satisfying

Our brains operate on a reward-punishment mechanism. They are inclined towards quick rewards, which can lead to various issues. For example, while alcohol may provide immediate relaxation and pleasure, its long-term health effects are evident.

“The less preferred path is the delayed gratification route. If you are willing to wait for rewards, you will encounter less competition and gain greater benefits. Those who are patient will reap the rewards” (p.204).

A few years ago, I stumbled upon Barış Özcan's video on Breaking the Chain. He mentioned that each day we perform a habit, we check it off on a year-long chart. The book references a similar example. Checking off a box not only makes the habit visible but also provides a sense of accomplishment, making the habit more satisfying.

“Never miss twice” (p.219).

I cannot express how much this quote resonates with me. For years, I would note a three-day break next to my yearly habits. Allowing ourselves some leeway and returning to our routines is the essence of self-compassion!

“The key to maximizing your chances of success lies in choosing the right competitive arena” (p.245).

You know how people used to share stories on social media about signatures, stamps, and seals? This quote perfectly captures my feelings! Success and being successful are merely reflections of self-actualization. It’s only through self-awareness that we can identify the right arenas for ourselves. Otherwise, can we not be successful? Of course, we can, but it may require more effort and hard work. At this point, we might be inclined to complicate rather than simplify, making us more prone to giving up.

This article reflects my thoughts on topics I've often wished I had discussed in a podcast. There's so much to talk about... To avoid overwhelming you, I'm keeping it concise. However, I do worry about missing out on key points when I shorten the content. I hope I've captured everything effectively.