Chapter 1 The Absurdity of Surveys

Would you kindly take a moment to complete our short 55-question survey about the service you recently experienced, and guess what? There’s no compensation involved! Your insights will undoubtedly enrich our already thriving enterprise, which for some inexplicable reason, remains uninterested in rewarding your time. This survey will only consume about 20 minutes of your precious time—time you probably don’t have to spare.

We invite you to share your thoughts by responding to the following inquiries:

1. Don't you think you should be paid for your time?
2. Why do you believe that?
3. Won't the results be biased since most professionals are too occupied for this, leaving it to… well, you?
4. Did the quality of service you received meet your expectations?
5. Is that because you feel like you’re being treated poorly?
6. Seriously, why are you still here?
7. Is it because you’ve already committed so much time that you prefer to see it through to the end?
8. Are you at all aware of what’s happening?
9. Want to ask Siri for a hint?
10. Would you like to ask your GPS for misguided directions to a clue?
11. Since you’re already here, can you assist us in unraveling a few other mysteries of the universe?
12. Aren't the last four letters of "queue" completely unnecessary?
13. What about the concluding letter in "Ivy"?
14. How can a door be considered a jar?
15. Instead of hunting for antiques, why don't elderly folks just keep what they have from birth?
16. Who exactly are Santa Claus's parents?
17. I know quitting now would make you feel guilty, but don’t you think it’s time to set some limits, my friend?
18. You realize that in relationships, partial commitment doesn’t mean full consent, right?
19. Since you're still here, would you mind answering a few pop culture questions?
20. What’s the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
21. Who penned the book of love?

22–51. Why are you still here?

52. Isn’t this akin to being married for 60 years, knowing you weren’t compatible the moment your partner requested "The Chicken Dance"?
53. With just three questions remaining, could you elaborate on what you’ve learned about recognizing when to cut your losses?
54. Now, can you exercise a bit of patience while we pose just one final question?
55. Would you consider helping us gain a deeper understanding of your experience filling out this 55-question survey by completing our brief 95-question survey?

More from Caren Lissner:

Chapter 2 A Comedic Exploration of Surveys

This video titled "Get Paid To Answer Questions Online (Up to $9990.30 No Surveys)" humorously explores alternative ways to earn money by answering questions online without the hassle of traditional surveys.

In the video "No Licence Declaration" Giving WRONG Answers?, the absurdity of providing incorrect responses is examined, adding a layer of comedy to the world of surveys.