Chapter 1: The Nature of Attraction

In my years of attending marital counseling, I remember a particularly revealing conversation with my therapist. While I joked, there was truth in my words: “It must be a challenge to be you.”

He asked for clarification, and I probed further, “Do you enter a social gathering pinpointing passive-aggressive or insecure personalities? Do you see everyone’s issues?” My counselor chuckled, acknowledging the difficulty of masking such insights.

“It’s tough to deceive a psychologist,” I noted.

“Over time, you learn to dial it back a bit,” he replied.

“Is that so?” I mused. “With my extensive background in counseling and research, I find it increasingly difficult to turn it off. I perceive so much now, and it can be quite draining.”

“Colleen,” he said, “I’ve known you for many years, and while I’m trained in psychology, you have an innate ability to see beyond the obvious. Your marketing background gives you a unique perspective on human behavior.”

That discussion happened years ago, and since then, I have dedicated over a decade to exploring love and relationships. No longer am I focused on writing features or business columns; I’ve committed to unraveling the complexities of romantic connections.

Recently, I met a man who ignited a powerful attraction within me. The reasons behind this connection are no secret.

Having grown up in a large Irish Catholic family in New York, my roots run deep. My parents hailed from Brooklyn, and although we lived outside Washington, D.C., our family remained largely in New York. My siblings and I may lack the classic New Yorker accent, but we carry our heritage with pride.

When I met an Irish Catholic man from the northern region, I found him to embody the essence of familiarity I subconsciously seek. His career mirrors that of many men in my family; it’s a pattern that feels comfortable and recognizable.

We are inherently drawn to what feels familiar. Our upbringing shapes our choices, which is why, despite encountering countless strangers, only a select few capture our interest.

This familiarity is often evident in the early stages of attraction. We might find ourselves thinking or saying things like:

• “There was something about them that felt familiar.”
• “It was as if I had known them forever.”
• “They brought a sense of comfort.”
• “I could chat with them for hours.”

When a spark of attraction ignites, there’s usually an underlying connection rooted in our backgrounds.

For years, I steered clear of dating. My divorce was a long and painful chapter, and I distanced myself from potential suitors while declining outings with friends. My heart simply wasn’t in it.

However, this new man is different. There’s a mutual understanding that transcends mere attraction. A high school friend even pointed out the similarities: “What’s he like?” she asked.

“He’s full of life, handsome, funny, kind, and courageous. He treats me well,” I replied.

“Colleen,” she observed, “he sounds a lot like your high school boyfriend.”

Her observation was spot on. He possesses the same confident traits that I once admired in a young love, and now, I am finally ready to cherish those qualities and grasp why they draw me in.

Attraction isn’t a complex enigma; it’s simply about recognizing the patterns that resonate with us.

Chapter 2: Recognizing Red Flags

The second video, "Men Fall in Love When You're a Mystery," discusses the nuances of attraction and how maintaining an air of mystery can enhance romantic appeal.