Finding Balance in Love: The Overzealous Romantic's Dilemma
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The "Bend-Over-Backward Boyfriend"
Imagine the type of guy who would go to great lengths just to win your affection! “OMG, I absolutely adore shopping for lingerie,” I shared with yet another girl I believed might fall for me if I feigned interest in her passions. While I excel in various aspects of life, my approach to dating has often been frantic and ultimately counterproductive. My tendency to overwhelm a girl with excessive chatter, constant analysis, and grand promises either drives her away or leads her to believe in a facade I can’t uphold.
A Wishful Thinking Delusion
When teachers observe preschoolers mingling on a playground, they notice even three-year-olds employ tactics to forge friendships. Some radiate charm, naturally drawing others to them, while others exhaust their peers with relentless chasing until a tentative “I’ll be your friend if you’ll be mine” is uttered.
However, adults have much more to offer: financial stability, companionship, time, attention, and a genuine desire to contribute to each other’s happiness. The situation becomes problematic when we convince ourselves that if we shower our love and fulfill every whim of our beloved, they will inevitably fall madly in love with us forever.
I’ll Have What She’s Having
There exists a delicate balance between being accommodating and entirely sacrificing one's own needs. I often find myself on the extreme end of that spectrum — let’s call me one-armed Johnny. It’s important not to blame the recipient of such overwhelming affection; despite my lack of finesse, I’m determined to learn crafts like knitting and crocheting for our hypothetical future children.
Please don’t judge me for pretending that opera, ballet, and art galleries are my life’s passions, or for claiming that your love has transformed me from an atheist into a staunch believer. Ironing your girlfriend’s underwear is normal, right?
Where Is the Balance?
I genuinely seek help with this question: what is the balance between overcommitting to win someone’s affection and being a selfish, self-absorbed individual? Is it wiser to remain cool and gradually make promises that may be beyond my reach? Could there be a sweet spot where love develops naturally, much like an unexpected thunderstorm?
Bottom Line
In every relationship, one partner will likely be more attentive than the other. However, love cannot be cultivated by chasing someone around like a child in the playground. The romance graveyard is filled with men who excel at domestic tasks, yet find no one to share those skills with.
My advice for those like me, who tend to treat women like royalty, is to take things slowly. Build trust incrementally. Most importantly, if you’re overexerting yourself because that’s simply who you are, that’s admirable. But if you believe that your kindness will somehow accumulate “love equity” to be drawn upon later, prepare for disappointment.
Or perhaps, if you’re exceptionally fortunate, you might find someone who appreciates you for who you truly are. Actually… don’t worry, future love, I’ll take care of everything.
The first video features Melanie Martinez's song "Training Wheels," which beautifully captures the sentiment of unconditional love and vulnerability in relationships.
The second video showcases Chester See's original piece, "Knowing I Love Everything You," which dives into the depths of love and connection.