Navigating the Fear of Writing in the LGBTQ Community
Written on
Chapter 1: The Challenge of the Blank Page
Writing can sometimes feel daunting, a sentiment echoed by Ernest Hemingway, who described the "horror of a blank sheet of paper." As writers, we face the challenge of creating something new, teetering on the edge of nothingness and potential. This feeling can be overwhelming, prompting distractions such as reorganizing our workspace or pouring another cup of coffee.
“To sit at the desk is to confront a space filled with possibilities, yet it can also bring forth a sense of dread.”
— Adapted from Stephen Batchelor (2017)
For me, writing is generally a joy, yet there are moments when it feels intimidating. I find myself at my computer nearly every day, balancing spirituality with routine, dedicating one to three hours to the craft based on my daily productivity.
Sometimes I indulge in distractions—another coffee, a leisurely breakfast, or tidying my desk. However, these are not driven by a fear of writing; rather, they reflect my spontaneous lifestyle, where I thrive on variety and accomplish multiple tasks simultaneously.
Fortunately, writer's block is a rare visitor to my life. My experiences are rich and diverse, and since my writing focuses on my own journey through creative non-fiction, inspiration flows naturally. I take pride in contributing to "Prism & Pen," a platform dedicated to the LGBTQ community. Since I began writing in 2022, I've published nearly 175 articles and garnered a readership of 640.
In addition to my contributions there, I've self-published several works, including three poetry collections, a self-help guide for caregivers, six memoirs, a book on grief, and two volumes about "Michael's Museum." Writing for the LGBTQ community is a personal mission; I hope that my shared experiences and insights can resonate with others, especially those who may feel isolated in their struggles.
Chapter 2: Unique Experiences Within the LGBTQ Community
Life in the LGBTQ community is marked by both unique joys and challenges. Acceptance can fluctuate based on time and place, influenced by various factors like geography, socio-economic status, ethnicity, and age. While my own experiences may differ significantly from those of others, I sometimes grapple with whether I truly represent the community in my writing.
My greatest concern is that my narrative might overshadow or invalidate the experiences of others. I consider myself fortunate to have faced minimal discrimination throughout my life, having arrived at "almost 80" with relatively few scars from societal prejudice. Though I've lost friends to HIV/AIDS, my journey has been less tumultuous than that of many others.
Despite this, I've faced challenges. Once, I was assaulted in a park at night, yet I managed to escape unharmed. I've never experienced job loss or rental discrimination due to my sexuality, nor have I encountered service refusals in shops or restaurants. I avoided military service through health exemptions, and I have never been arrested for public displays of affection, despite having had my share of romantic encounters.
Throughout my life, I found profound love, spending nearly 50 years with my husband Gregory, who battled Alzheimer's for 12 of those years. I don't attribute his illness to our sexual orientation; instead, I recognize the complexities of life.
Chapter 3: The Responsibility of Writing
This brings me back to my apprehension about writing. I worry that my experiences may seem universal, while in reality, they are quite distinct from the realities faced by many in the LGBTQ community. My fear is that my words might unintentionally offend or belittle others' struggles.
Yet, I strive to weave in universal themes that resonate with a broader audience. My goal is to convey the message: "You are not alone." To clarify my perspective, I often reflect on my identities, recognizing that some confer privilege while others present challenges. I identify as a white, cisgender, gay, senior citizen with a stable financial background, a retired Democratic Jew who embraces Buddhism and has experienced widowhood.
By sharing this context, I hope to convey the lens through which I perceive the world and express my writing. Carlos Ruiz Zafón's words resonate deeply with me:
“Every book, every volume you see here, has a soul. The soul of the person who wrote it and of those who read it and lived and dreamed with it.”
— Carlos Ruiz Zafón (2004)
This powerful notion underscores the weight of responsibility that comes with storytelling. Each narrative reflects the writer's truths and misperceptions, and it is imperative to honor the myriad experiences that exist alongside our own.
In closing, I aspire for my writing to serve as a source of support. By articulating my thoughts, I not only clarify my beliefs but also foster personal growth. Writing allows me to process my life and gain deeper insights.
Ultimately, it's crucial for writers to express their truths while remaining open to the diverse experiences of others. Our individual narratives enrich the collective tapestry of understanding, allowing us to acknowledge both our truths and those of our readers.