Chapter 1: Embracing Visibility

I often find myself grappling with a fear of visibility. While it doesn't completely prevent me from participating in life, it has influenced some of my decisions and left me feeling down at times.

Let me explain further. I identify as a creative individual who has explored various artistic avenues—from writing and music to photography, textile art, ceramics, and jewelry making. In some of these fields, I believe I possess a degree of talent. I've received encouragement from others who believe that if I persist, I could achieve success. This acknowledgment isn't for self-congratulation; rather, it's an appreciation of the support I've received.

Driven by fleeting bursts of inspiration and a desire to create, I've made several attempts to share my work with the world. At one point, I even launched a small business. The growth was slow, and marketing felt overwhelming, yet it evolved from a mere idea into something tangible, however minor it might have been. What happened next? I backed out. Not immediately, but after feeling that my efforts were insufficient. I chose to step away because I feared drawing attention to myself.

This pattern has surfaced repeatedly in various aspects of my life. I engage in an endeavor, might excel, but eventually, my confidence wanes. It's as if my bravery is delicate, easily shattered.

Life experiences have certainly toughened me a bit, making me more resilient. I've begun to recognize that this fear of being seen—especially in terms of being acknowledged for my achievements rather than my appearance—is not exclusive to introverts. Is it not something we, as women, have been conditioned to feel? We are told to be visible yet muted. The narrative of the male genius versus the female muse perpetuates this idea. We are expected to be admired for our beauty, not for our contributions.

While this may not be an earth-shattering revelation, it does suggest that the root of my fear stems from a systemic undervaluation of women's work. This understanding serves as motivation rather than consolation. Acknowledging that I'm not alone in this struggle gives me a reason to stand up.

Regardless of the origin of my fear, I am tired of being held back. As a mature woman, I refuse to allow it to control me. I can acknowledge this fear as just one of many emotions I experience, but I am choosing to rise above it and pursue the creative work I yearn for.

If you've made it this far, you can likely see where I'm headed. Writing on Medium may not be my ultimate passion, and I may never receive the recognition I hope for. Nonetheless, I hit "Publish" despite my fears, and that itself is a victory.

For those intrigued by the concept of the muse, I recommend exploring the column "The Paradox of the Female Muse." It sheds light on how muses were initially not passive or objectified figures.